Your discount broker has more bad news for you. Your stocks have been pummeled, and your retirement money is vanishing rapidly. But Deutsche Bank/National Discount Brokers still knows how to put a smile on your face. Call (800) 888-3999. Listen to the list of options until you reach the one that says, "If you would like to hear a duck quack, press seven." Press seven. "Quack, quack." There, aren't you feeling better already?